What helps

My husband. The only other person on earth who misses Jasmine and mourns for her, as I do. The only one who knew her like I did, and loved her like I did. The only one who understands how it feels to have wished it had been you who died and not her, because he feels it too. 

My dogs, Bailey and Charlie. Cuddles available, any time, day or night. Unconditional love by the bucket load!

Friends and family who have contacted me regularly to see how I'm doing. It has been disappointing how few of these there are (if you don't count Facebook, which lulls people into believing they are in touch without ever having to pick up the phone), but those that have really have kept me going. xx

Friends who allow me to talk about any aspect of what I am going through, no matter how harrowing it is for them to hear, without making me feel guilty about it, or subtly suggesting I 'tone it down a bit' to protect the feelings of others. I have a few good friends who have done exactly this over the past 10 months, and they have shown courage and determination in being there for me. Hearing about it all is not easy for anyone, but those who really care lots, step up to the mark, Thank you, I have appreciated very moment you've spent listening. xxxx

Having met two other Mums in almost identical situations. Children we feel may have been failed by the NHS, mothers who felt forced to abandon their own instincts in favour of medical opinion, only for that to come back and haunt them for the rest of their lives. We help keep each other sane through the ordeal that is the complaints, and inquests, process.

My Bereaved Parents Group. We meet in Milton Keynes once a month, and we all get to be in a room full of people who have endured the same loss, carried the same pain, and to whom we need explain nothing. In that room we are 'normal' . It is a lifesaver and I am thankful the group exists.

My counsellor, and my psychologist. My weekly visits with these two wonderful women help me make sense of, and cope with, the reality of what happened to Jazzie, remind me that I did not fail as her mother because I was unable to save her myself, and help me cope with the aftermath of witnessing Jasmines suffering and death, and what that has done to my own health and state of mind.